May 9, 2012.

Posted on May 19, 2012 | 2 Comments


What a historical day, May 9, 2012, became as President Obama FINALLY verbalized his support for gay marriage equality. As a former Constitutional law professor, we all knew how he stood internally, the conflict had always been WHEN to tell the world how he truly believed…how any educated and knowing person believes. Whether you love queers, hates queers, or are a queer…the answer is the same. All Americans are afforded equal protection under the law, guaranteed by the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

I expected him to wait until after he was re-elected, then to make the announcement. Politics and the way it makes rational men behave is a sick system, but I understand how the game is played. The unbelievable courage it took for him to give the interview before the election makes me respect him on a whole different level. Now, don’t think me a fool, I know this move was plotted out, internal polls and statistics considered…but I still know it was the equivalent of laying down a black-jack bet in Vegas.

I think it might turn out to be a total wash. That is, the number of votes he lost with the announcement is about equal to the number of votes he gained. The majority of votes Obama gets in November, he was going to get on May 8th.

I am sometimes accused of being a “one-issue” Democrat. Well, hello??? Wouldn’t you be if YOU were being denied a basic civil right because of one genetic marker you just happened to be born with? Why the hell would I vote Republican when Mitt is preaching that he will push for a U.S. Constitutional amendment defining marriage as one man and one woman?? Sure, let me vote Republican and then go home and stick pins in my eyes! Good grief!

The only thing…the ONLY thing that would be interesting if Mitt Romney becomes the President is the separation of church and State issue. All of the Bible-thumpers who are always screaming that they want religion back in the halls of government and in our schools will be doing a complete 180 in their thinking. The first time they hear President Romney talk about his magic underwear in the oval office, the Southern Baptist Convention will issue a statement on what a beautiful thing we have in the Separation of Church and State in America!!

It is funny when I think about it that the racists who sooooo hate Obama have to live with the fact that Palin and McCain were such a bad ticket that America voted a black man into the White House! They have had FOUR years to get the black man out of there and a Mormon is their best candidate?? I can’t wait until Romney picks his running mate! Guess what haters? It took the first black President to look into the camera and acknowledge my existence as an equal citizen!!

I have watched my hero, John F. Kennedy’s, June 11, 1963 civil rights speech dozens of times. I watched it again on May 9, 2012.

“The heart of the question is whether all Americans are to be afforded equal rights and equal opportunities, whether we are going to treat our fellow Americans as we want to be treated. If an American, because his skin is dark, cannot eat lunch in a restaurant open to the public, if he cannot send his children to the best public school available, if he cannot vote for the public officials who will represent him, if, in short, he cannot enjoy the full and free life which all of us want, then who among us would be content to have the color of his skin changed and stand in his place? Who among us would then be content with the counsels of patience and delay?”

 

Who among you would want to wake up tomorrow and know, at your soul’s core, that you were gay? Life as a queer girl in Texas is not an easy road. I am humbled and grateful that President Obama was not “content with the counsels of patience and delay” when he decided to speak out in the second week of May, 2012.

On April 19, 2012 President Obama visited the Henry Ford Museum in Michigan. The museum houses the infamous bus where American hero, Rosa Parks, declined to yield a seat to a white man. The President took the exact same seat and pondered. I know I was thinking it was a complete “full-circle” moment when I saw the photo taken that day.

“I just sat in there for a moment and pondered the courage and tenacity that is part of our very recent history but is also part of that long line of folks who sometimes are nameless, often times didn’t make the history books, but who constantly insisted on their dignity, their share of the American dream,” said President Obama.

I like to think that when it came time for the President to pick the date for his equality statement that he thought for a second about sitting in that bus seat. My being gay is as unchangeable as skin color, some people don’t believe that, but it is a fact.

I have never made a stand like Ms. Parks, where my physical well-being might have been threatened. I do like to think that with every word I speak, with every word I blog, maybe someone who hasn’t listened or paid careful attention before, well…maybe they do at last.

At last, a sitting American President stood up for gay Americans. I know how black Americans felt now on June 11, 1963. Tears roll down your face, your chest heaves, and you are speechless. That’s right, I became speechless. For once, someone else, someone of greater significance was speaking my truth. I am forever thankful that President Obama sat in my seat on that day.

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Happy as a Clam.

Posted on May 4, 2012 | Leave a comment

Juju watched as the softball sailed three feet over her head, over the chain-linked fence dividing her yard from Mrs. Champeaux’s, and nestled right in the middle of her flower bed. Juju’s older cousin Robin, was down from New York to visit for the summer. She wasn’t enjoying the Texas heat, but had been successful in finding herself a summer job at Howard Johnson’s.  Let’s just say she didn’t get the “sporty” gene in the family.

Juju threw down her glove and ran towards the fence. She hurled herself on it and with one athletic move swept both her feet onto the top pole, her right hand steadied her balance. She next kicked off the top of the fence and went airborne, the plan being to fall gently into the adjacent St. Augustine grass. Juju’s plan failed miserably and she noticed it about mid-flight. She tilted her head up and saw a fifteen foot wire dangling between two poles, her neighbors clothes line!!

Juju was running in place, hoping to change course like the road runner did on the cartoon, you know hanging in mid-air, just off the cliff?  It did not work for big-boned softball players. She met the clothes line straight in the chops! Juju was thrown backwards after bouncing her face on the wire. She landed on her back in the aforementioned St. Augustine, the wire mocking her from above.

There was an old metal folding chair sitting next to the fence. Jewel sometimes sat in the chair while Juju practiced her pitching. On this day Jewel hit the top of the chair with her right foot and hurdled over with her left leg clearing the top by a good two inches, Wilma Rudolph would have been proud.

Jewel stood over Juju and looked down at her breathless kid. “You could have hanged yourself dead! What were you trying to do?” Juju lifted her left hand and pointed at the softball laying approximately six inches out of her grasp. So close, yet so far.

Juju took the softball field that night at Chisolm Park with two lines clearly running the length of her face. From her left ear to the left edge of her mouth and from the right edge of her mouth, to her right ear. Red and swollen, Juju looked like The Joker’s evil little sister. Jewel said nothing else about the stunt, just grateful she hadn’t spent the afternoon in the ER or Doctor Bullock’s office.  Robin felt bad, but Juju didn’t hold it against her. Inside she knew that she had been showing off for her cousin, it had been stupid not to use the chair to climb over the darn fence.  Juju wanted to impress the Yankee that dry-shaved her legs and talked with a peculiar accent.

The next night was Saturday night and Juju was as happy as a clam. The whole family was headed to the Howard Johnson’s on Highway 30, right by Six Flags for dinner! The plan being to make Robin wait on us and to get some orange sherbet.

Howard Johnson’s was way up on the hierarchy in Juju’s family, bested only by Stuckey’s. It was the largest restaurant chain in America in the 1960s and 70s. Juju ate two things every time she ventured into the orange roofed inn, clams and sherbet. She had danced all through the house when Robin got the job. Not for Robin mind you, it was all in anticipation of the trip they were making on Saturday night.

In a time before Chuck E. Cheese, Denny’s, and fast food restaurants on every corner, there was HoJo.  A great restaurant, gift shop and motor lodge all rolled into one…and stylishly designed in orange and aqua.  The waitresses wore all white uniforms and always called Juju “Honey.”  The smell of clams wafted about Juju’s family as they entered the sherbet mecca.

Service that night was perfect, no bias of course.  Juju and her family enjoyed their dinner, tipped big, then her father steered the Cadillac westbound back down the interstate.  No one stared too much at the horizontal red line on Juju’s face.  Her mother had wanted to apply some foundation makeup to Juju’s face, but that suggestion was quickly refused.

Juju remembers three things about that long ago summer:  Softball, Hojo’s and her cousin’s visit.  Notice the face-plant on the clothes line didn’t make the cut?  Not until last week when Juju sat and watched a TV show as a middle-aged woman.

Juju has always known she was queer, different from the norm.  She knew last Sunday as she watched Mad Men and saw the nostalgic story about Howard Johnson’s that no other soul in America had a memory like hers.  Who else on earth sees a HoJo and thinks of almost hanging themselves on a clothes line?

As her father pulled into the driveway on Oak Street, Juju was day-dreaming that maybe the next visiting cousin could get a job at Pizza Inn!  As she sat on her orange shag carpet later that night, listening to Seals & Crofts,  she had a funny thought.  Surely, nothing as weird as the clothes line incident would ever happen to her again.  Little did she know there was a mountain and a golf cart, with faulty brakes, just waiting for her little ass in New Mexico.

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Armed with Skittles.

Posted on April 16, 2012 | 3 Comments

In eight years as a police officer, I encountered hundreds of “Trayvon Martins.” You, the reader, can choose to interpret that first sentence in various ways.  What I mean is the following:  A teenager ambling down the street.  Period.  Now, some teenagers are up to no good.  Some are walking away from the scene of a crime.  But some are just walking home in anticipation of chomping down a  bag of Skittles.  This particular case makes me sick to my stomach because it didn’t have to happen.  I have ALWAYS hated “citizen patrols” and this case is exhibit #1 for  evidence of my loathing.  It doesn’t matter if Martin was an honor student or a kid walking away from a car burglary.  He was unarmed and did not need to die on that particular day.

Based on George Zimmerman’s account of what took place, and I post this with a caveat that the only information that I am privy to regarding this case is what I have read in the media.  From my personal experience with the media we can believe about 50% of what is written.  Having said that, I believe that Martin is dead because of the intentional actions of Zimmerman.  I am not going to address the perverse, “stand your ground” law that is in place in Florida, I will save that for another day, another blog.

Zimmerman was told by the police dispatcher to cease following Martin, whom he identified as a suspicious black male in the gated community he “patrolled.”  I do not believe Zimmerman is racist, nor do I believe the dreaded Hoodie played a part in this event.  Zimmerman was just an overzealous, under-trained citizen on patrol.  A man who when advised by the REAL law enforcers in the city to back off, simply ignored their command.  He pursued and engaged Martin in a conversation that became physical, then deadly.  Why deadly?  Oh yeah, because Zimmerman and NOT the suspicious black male was walking around a GATED community with a loaded, deadly weapon.

Zimmerman says he was in fear for his own safety and had to resort to deadly force.  Okay, I lied….one reference to the “stand your ground” law.  The law in Florida allows for someone to use deadly force if they fear that they will suffer bodily injury or death at the hands of another.  They DO NOT have to retreat, but can stand their ground (insert any John Wayne movie quote here) draw their weapon and use it to defend themselves.  So when Martin toting a drink and some candy is encountered by Zimmerman, not a cop, he probably told him to F-off, just like I would have in that situation.  Zimmerman remember was told by police dispatch to back off, what was his reasonable suspicion for the contact??  Had he witness Martin commit a crime?  NO.  So Zimmerman generates the situation, brings the deadly weapon to the party, then escalates it by displaying it (deadly force in and of itself).  He created the entire situation and then claims self defense….this is LUDICROUS!!

By Zimmerman’s account of the incident, I could have killed one person a month in my eight years of patrol…probably more.  I could have created situations every night in dark alleys, on Main Street, in grocery store parking lots.  Drunks would have been the easiest, they never liked being handcuffed.  Under the “Zimmerman Rule” I could have just used a few choice words, pushed them, pulled out the cuffs and start to wrestle with them on the side of the road.  Wait a minute, this guy is bigger than me!  I feel he might be getting the best of me, he might be trying to take my weapon from my duty belt.  DRAW and FIRE!!!  SELF-DEFENSE!!

Oh yeah, right….I had more than adequate training in all facets of law enforcement.  Patrol, engaging suspects, traffic safety, handcuffing techniques, weapon use and safety in handling….self-defense…hand to hand combat….I can go on….but you get my point.

What would have happened if Zimmerman would have used a few of his IQ points and backed off until a patrol officer arrived?  The officer would have pulled up to Martin, got out of his car and asked a few questions. ( The 1968 Supreme Court case Terry v. Ohio gives police the right to stop and ask a few questions if there is a reasonable suspicion to do so.  They can even frisk the outer clothing of the individual for officer safety reasons, again if they have reasonable suspicion he just committed a crime or was about to…or they have suspicion the subject is carrying a weapon.)  Hey guy, what’s your name?  Where are you headed?  Oh, your parents live down the street?  Coming from the store with some Skittles?  Yeah, I love those little suckers too.  This citizen patrol guy thinks you are up to no good.  If I check on the radio, have you got a record?  How about juvenile?  Ok, you aren’t doing anything that rises to the level where I need to check.  Don’t worry about it…have a good one kid.

Have a good one kid.  A kid he will forever be because some idiot decided he was being suspicious and created a situation that resulted in him not being anything anymore.

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Criminals

Posted on March 20, 2012 | 1 Comment

“To err is human, to forgive divine.” Alexander Pope.

People screw up all the time, it’s in our nature. Now some people choose to not care and others pursue wrong-doing as a career choice…but what about everyday folk? As you read this, I would venture a guess that about 99% of you think you are “everyday folk.” Would you believe that everyday folk pay all my bills? They do, revenue from everyday folk keep my criminal defense practice afloat and provide me a nice living. We screw up small and we screw up large…and it is folks just like yourselves. So when you watch the evening news today…see if you can find yourself….then go one further, can you forgive? America can’t sit down to dinner thinking everything is wrapped up all tidy because the criminal was marched to jail.

“Judge not, lest thee be judged.” Jesus Christ

You might be willing to admit that you have driven home from a party “buzzed.” You might not be willing to admit that you were a hair’s breath from taking out a family of five at the intersection. My clients are young people with money in their pockets that steal make-up at Target. My clients are drunk professors that choose to drive home from the country club. My clients are bank managers that steal millions before their scheme is uncovered. Which of the three aforementioned is more of a criminal? Which one could you identify with if you knew the whole story? Which one did you quickly judge?

I have blogged before about mirroring….seeing yourself in the behavior of others….assimilating. For instance if you could see that I was born gay, that my thoughts were queer from about the age of four. It might be easier for you to give me equality under the law if you saw yourself in me. When was the last time you heard someone on the street corner yelling at a straight person….challenging that THEY were born straight? That’s a queer inquiry. Ask yourself why is that? Why did heteros criminalize homosexuality?

Screw ups are not born criminals…or are they? Are we? Did you drive 58 mph to work this morning? Well, that’s 3 miles per hour over the posted limit. Why did you do that? What’s that you say? That’s an acceptable breaking of the law. Whom among us makes that determination?

I talk to “normal” people in my office every week. They live otherwise “normal” lives, but an aberration occurred and a criminal charge was filed. I listen to the factors that preceded the criminal act. I assess the client before me. I explain the laws, procedures under the law, and possible outcomes to their predicament. They hand me money, and I begin to do my job. I do not judge…ever…even when severely tested, I have learned to work and not judge.

Some people belong in jail. Some people belong in jail for very long periods of time. I believe in punishment. I believe in humane punishment for those found guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, in a court of law. With some clients I know that punishment is at the end of our relationship. My job is to protect the client’s rights and to get the best possible scenario for him/her concerning that punishment.

I layed that out for you because it is NOT what I want this blog to be about. Why do we screw up….why do we ALL screw up? Some get caught, some don’t….some think this blog doesn’t apply to them.

It is hard to go through your life and not commit a crime. If you just had the thought that you have done it thus far…I could prove you wrong in a ten minute conversation. You are a criminal. I am a criminal.

Maybe I want this blog to be about compassion. I don’t want you to be a bleeding heart liberal like I am, just a bit more compassionate.

They always give you the scenario where your daughter has been raped and killed. Could you kill her attacker with your bare hands? Sure you could, I will applaud you after you are finished. You are missing the point.

Start reading USA Today online and watching Brian Williams in the evening with a different slant. The soldier that took out 16 Afghans is your brother, your neighbor….he is you. Let’s agree that we are all humans and we are all criminals.

Compassion and reviewing the events preceding the criminal act will outline how to prevent the act from repeating. It will unfold in such a way a first-grader could understand it. Cause and effect.

I am not saying that given the same set of circumstances all humans will respond the same way….commit the same crime. I am saying that some humans will…it is up to the rest of us to do the work to ensure that there is no repeat cycle. It is in all of us. Why do we pull out of Iraq and some are already yelling to move on Iran. That didn’t surprise anyone…predictable. Will we allow it to happen?

People will always screw up. Basically because there are new ways to do it found every day. It is up to us to constantly be evolving, to recognize the predictors. It is up to us to mirror the actor and acknowledge he is closer to us, than not. You start to look down your nose and judge….nothing is ever going to stop. Let me know if you start to watch the TV news differently after reading this. Oh yeah, and watch your lead foot on the drive home today. You know that’s against the law…why do you do that?

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Truth

Posted on February 13, 2012 | Leave a comment

I am a success story. There are thousands out there, but here is mine. I started in the police academy in 1987. The class had 18 cadets….17 men and me. I was the only woman, doubtful I was the only gay person. In the 1980s it was getting better for women in law enforcement, but it was still a very tough row to hoe. Being a gay woman in law enforcement is not an unusual thing, as you can imagine. Being an “out” gay woman when I started was just not possible in Texas. People might have figured it out, but in the department you did not discuss it.

I thrived in the two departments I worked at, overcoming sexism and ignoring homophobia. I became the first woman sergeant at my second department. I was proud of my achievements. I made my time a success, but I will not sugar-coat it, I suffered in silence more than a few times.

How would you like to attain a job by lying? Do you think that is a good way to start a career? Police departments in Texas are allowed under the law to polygraph incoming cadets. The third question they asked me on the exam was if I had ever had intercourse with another woman. I lied and showed no deception. I don’t know what that says about the polygraph or my skills to mask deception. I prefer to think the polygraph is a big hunk of junk.

Police departments also send you to a psychologist where they interview you and in the 80s tried to pick up on any mental illness you might have…being a queer was on the list.

I am thankful for my experience as a cop. I gained a wealth of knowledge and some life-long friendships. I am a better attorney today because of my time wearing the badge.

But I also endured fag jokes, being called a Dyke at least once a week by a drunk, and not being able to participate in the Explorers. The Explorers were a group of young school kids that want to learn about being a cop. It is a mentoring program that was sponsored by the police department and under the umbrella of the Boy Scouts of America. The Scouts have always been vehemently against gay Americans….I knew that then and politely declined to be involved.

Boy, has it gotten better in the last 25 years!! I am so excited and cannot wait for what I feel is about to happen in the next couple of years. Society is evolving and coming to understand what we queers have known all along. We are just like you, we ARE you. Our Constitutional rights are going to be acknowledged in the near future….I am happy….and sad that it took until the second decade in the 21st Century….but mostly just happy.

I went to the gay pride parade in San Francisco a couple of years ago with my spouse. We met up with our cousin Sherry there and watched the parade from the high perch of our hotel window. I expected a grand party and a very good time that day, I did not expect a life-changing event.

Approaching right underneath our viewpoint came marching uniformed members of the San Francisco Police Department. They were holding hands with their significant others and their children! The Chief of Police and the Mayor were in the parade too…it was an unbelievable sight for me. My twenty-five year old self would have never believed that I would one day see such a thing. I saw myself walking in the parade that day. I truly saw myself.

I was acknowledged that day in a way like never before. The openly gay members of all police departments should know that people like me walk with them. Those that have come before and suffered the silence of not being true to ourselves….service prefaced on a lie.

I watched the below video this week and was reminded of my feelings at the parade that day. What a beautiful thing it is. I want to serve my city…I want to lay my life on the line….I want you to know I am a gay American. I want to be heard. I want to speak the truth.

Thank you to the City of San Francisco and to the brave men and women…gay and straight…that serve that wonderful city. I patiently wait for the rest of the country to follow your lead, as some have already. Until then know I, and many others, walk the beat with you and relish in your truth.

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Elvis or Bust.

Posted on December 22, 2011 | 1 Comment

Juju sat patiently waiting on the living room floor of her house.  It was December 24, 1977, her sixteenth birthday.  She knew she was spoiled beyond belief and didn’t need a thing, but the girl had some “wants.”  Juju wanted new Levi’s, an 8-track carrying case, and a new pair of softball cleats.  The two boxes  under the tree with her name attached clearly were big enough to house the things on her list.  Juju’s mother was finishing up in the kitchen, then the big reveal was going to take place.

Juju’s mother had been very excited and anxious for her to see the two gifts.  She seemed quite proud of herself and this made Juju all the more crazy to rip into them!  Sweet Sixteen is different for a girl, Jewel had told her.  You are turning into a woman and soon you will be heading off to college.  All the more reason to need the extra-large tape case Juju had circled for her mother in the Edison’s Gift Catalog.  Had she not seen it opened to the page where Juju had left it…..on her bed pillow??  The case would protect the tapes that Juju would surely have long into the 1980s.

Juju was rock solid in her belief that one of the boxes had the softball cleats inside.  She had gone to Sears with her mother on two occasions, pointing out the exact pair she desired.  Juju told her mother to go down one size because the shoes were in the boys section.  The shoes had rubber cleats and they matched the colors of her softball team uniform perfectly.  Juju imagined how cool she was going to look the following Spring as she played first base for the Fort Worth Chargers.  Maybe Jewel was excited because she had thrown in a pair of Levi 501s in the box with the cleats!!??

Juju had all her favorite 8-tracks stacked on her bedroom dresser in anticipation of the carrying case and complete organization…disco on one side, rock on the other…in alphebetical order!!  Juju was singing along to the John Denver Christmas Special when Jewel came into the room and sat in her chair.  This was it, this was the big moment!  Jewel motioned for Juju to grab the two boxes which Juju did in quick order.

“Today is your birthday Juju, so start with the one with the birthday card stuck to it.” her mother stated.     The card would be read later, Juju tore into the box as paper flew over her head in pieces!  Then….stunned silence.  What is that? Juju asked.  ”Pick it up” Jewel said, “isn’t it gorgeous?”  Juju held in her hand a tan cloth and crocheted purse.  PURSE?!!??  Is this a purse because only about four 8-tracks can fit into this!??  Did I open the wrong box!??!!

Jewel started to frown and sighed loudly.  Juju you need to start carrying a purse to carry your stuff, a compact, some powder, a hair brush, and your car keys.  Some powder?!!  Car keys fit real good in the front pocket of a new pair of Levi’s!!  ”Maybe people will stop calling you a tomboy if you try a little Juju.”

Juju forced a smile and said she would carry the purse, “on occasion” …thanking her mother she scooted the purse off to the side.  Surely the second box would more than make up for the purse.  The box was BIG and heavy….big enough for the 8-track carrying case, jeans, and cleats.  Good old Jewel…it would be just like her to set Juju up with a “gag” gift, then deliver all the goods in the second box!

Smashing into the second box from the top, Juju looked down the opening to see the top of a black pompadour!  ”Be careful Juju! That is a collector’s item.”  Juju reached in and pulled out a fifteen pound sculpture.  A bust of Elvis Presley, painted in day glow colors. (Imagine Elvis on black felt, …but classier)

Jewel told her daughter that she knew she had always loved him, and with him dying four months earlier she knew Juju would want something to remember the King in her bedroom.  Jewel was so happy to see Juju with the bust.  Juju feigned delight and hugged her mother tightly, thanking her for the thoughtful gift.  ”I know you have watched all his movies and had a crush on him…I knew it!” Jewel said.

Juju collected her gifts and walked back to her bedroom.  Neatly re-stacking the 8-tracks in their place beside her stereo system.  She sat on her bed and examined the purse.  It was sweet of her mother to buy her a gift, but there was a lot of meaning behind the gift that was not lost on Juju. She was sixteen now and Jewel was clearly longing for something different from Juju was exhibiting to her on a daily basis.  The purse was one last attempt to see if Juju was the image in Jewel’s head or the girl seated on the bed wearing the Chuck Taylors.  One day soon Juju would let Jewel know the battle was long over, but until then she would make a show of it and walk the purse to the car a couple of times to appease her thoughtful mother.  By February the purse would disappear to the back corner of Juju’s closet, beside the brand new electric curler set.

The Elvis head with the bright orange scarf wrapped around his neck was a whole other story.  That gawd-awful thing would have to sit on Juju’s dresser for the better part of 1978. Juju never had the heart to tell Jewel that she loved, truly loved Viva Las Vegas as a result of a crush…but it had been on Ann Margaret and not the King of Rock & Roll.  Juju turned the bust into a perfect use…Elvis proudly wore her Charger’s softball cap…the team color of orange coordinating perfectly with the scarf.

In a perfect world Jewel would have had a young woman who loved purses and pined for Elvis.  In the real world of the late 1970s, she had a baby dyke that danced privately in her room wearing high tops and jammed to the Beatles.

The Christmas gifts we receive each year not only reflect the giver, but they reflect what the giver sees in us…what they want to see us enjoy.  It is a piece of them in that box, their delight in picking out just the right gift.  It is their hope they wrap up, hoping to see the magic of Christmas light in our faces when we first see their offering.

So remember that when you unwrap the purple socks from Aunt Harriet this Christmas morning or the XXL Snuggie from your mother-in-law.  Show delight and thankfulness no matter how shocked you are in what is in the box before you.  The gift to the giver is written all over your face….make it a happy script.

I know my mother saw disappointment when I held up that purse.  But I think I made up for it with my acting job on the second package.  The following year my mother gave me an orange skateboard and some Levi jeans….I gave her a dust buster.

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Jesus Told Me To Write This Blog.

Posted on December 12, 2011 | 1 Comment

What kind of world do we live in where a political candidate preaches hate in a last-ditch effort to garner votes and Jesus has become a Denver Broncos fan?

Tell me Rick Perry, what has repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell done to undermine our military?  Did all the soldiers in Afghanistan lay down their arms and walk away when the butch girl in the vehicle support garage was finally able to verbalize the fact that she is a dyke?  Haven’t seen that on the evening news, have you?  There was a story on how the YouTube video of Perry is fast becoming the most “disliked” video ever.

I know lots of Christians that are tired of their religion being aligned with hate and ignorance.  There are people who pick up a book, besides the Bible, and attend church every Sunday.  I want more of them to post their own videos, please!

I don’t have a problem with Jesus digging the Broncos right now.  Tebow is a sincere kid and fun to watch.  Jerry Jones has only retracted the roof two times since opening Jerry’s World, so Jesus can’t watch his favorite team that often.  The switch in allegiance was expected, the Mile High City, is closer to God than the rest of the fields in America….so it all makes sense.  Pray on Tebow…play on Tebow.  I still think you will be an even better player after you lose, well….when you start acting like the Jonas Brothers did after ditching those bracelets…you get me, right?

If we buy into the belief that Jesus wants Tebow to win, we also have to believe that he wanted Kanye to win a Grammy.  We further have to believe that He wanted the guy with two teeth in the Oklahoma trailer park to survive the tornado and not the family of five that lived next door.  I guess they weren’t Broncos fans.

I know I have always felt that Jesus likes people more if they cite Bible verses, and thank him for every single thing that happens to them on any given day.  I have been remiss in not thanking Jesus for the two times big ass SUVs have rear-ended me this year, sending me to the hospital on one occasion.  What’s that you say?  I should thank Him for escaping the accidents with my life and not being seriously hurt?  Didn’t I tell you I am a Cowboys fan??

While I am getting this off my chest.  I want to give a shout out to Tebow for putting John 3:16  under his eyes on game day…yeah, you heard me right.  He puts Bible verses on the black tape under his eyes …the tape that is usually used to cut down on glare from the sun.  I guess he wants glare from the Son.

I equate the above with people who feel the need to put a religious bumper sticker on the back of their vehicle…or one of those ubiquitous Jesus fish.  Please  disregard that I am a knuckle dragging idiot that just changed lanes in front of you without a turn signal or warning.  Jesus is on board with me and if I should cause an accident, He will want me to live because my kid is an honor student at Our Lady of Victory Catholic School.  I guess I am screwed, I have no bumper stickers, just a Texas license plate that reads, “Please Drive Sober.”

I just made a call out to a friend in Vegas to place my bet for the Broncos winning the Super Bowl this year.  The odds for Denver to win the big show are 55 to 1.  I figure it is a sure thing and a way to pay  my credit card bills about the time the Christmas bills hit my mailbox.  I do like and celebrate Christmas.  It is that time of year when ALL Christians act like they should throughout the year.

So happy holidays to you!  Yes, I say the generic greating…and NO President Obama does NOT call it a holiday tree instead of a Christmas tree.  Our President is a Christian and not a Muslim.  The idiotic thing circulating Facebook about him trying to abolish Christmas in America is well….actually not surprising.  The people who post the nonsense are the same people who re-elected Bush in 2004.  Jesus told them to vote for Bush …..they heard it directly from the pulpit at their church.

Jesus told me to write this blog today.  He was a wise beyond his years prophet when religious zealots staked him to the cross and killed him. I know if He is in the sky somewhere watching over us that he truly cares about football games and who wins the MTV video awards.  He hates gay people and loves people who drive Chevy Surburbans while texting.  He speaks directly to that preacher in Kansas and tells him to picket funerals.  And evidently watches some gridiron action on Sundays. He keeps an eye out for certain people who talk non-stop about their faith and broadcast it on their bodies and motor vehicles.

If Rick has his way, Tebow will add a sticker and place it right beside his Ichthys…..Perry 2012.

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