Rapture?

So I’ve heard some press that the world is coming to an end tomorrow. That means two things to me; the Texas Rangers will never win the World Series and I don’t have to pick up my dry cleaning this afternoon.

I actually don’t care if the world is ending tomorrow. Humans are going to figure out a way to screw it all up anyway…just a matter of time if it doesn’t occur in the next 24 hours. And talk about eliminating all grief, pain and suffering….if we all go together, what does any of it matter? What does matter….matter?

The thought came to me this morning that I could tell everyone I know what I really thought of them today. Then I realized everyone I know already have an inkling of what my feelings are towards them. If you haven’t picked up the phone in a year and asked, “hey Juju, how the hell are you?” Odds are you know I don’t waste my energy thinking of you…except as I type this sentence.

If the world ends tomorrow I will not find out who would have won this season’s American Idol….pity. I told Linda the first week of the final 25 who would be in the finale. The same voting block that brings you the likes of Taylor Hicks, Lee DeWyze, and Carrie Underwood are the tween kids of the people that bring you Rick Santorum, Joe Wilson, and Glenn Beck. That show is about as predictable as Rick Perry’s hair…stiff and totally in-line with the Puritanistic core of America.

I might have donuts for dinner tonight. We all get to share in the delight of those death row inmates in the Texas Department of Corrections….we all get to pick our last meal.
What will yours be? Don’t want to die tomorrow…didn’t do anything wrong to warrant that type of treatment? Neither did a percentage of the inmates on death row…now do you feel their pain? Oh and I might eat a big T-bone steak….screw the vegetarian diet…the cow is dead already….pass the rolls and butter while you are at it.

To the people that owe me money….I am not forgiving your debt. Even if we meet at the gates of hell, you still owe me for that DWI defense…I will bring the tequila.

I honestly think that the end and hell for me would indeed involve Rapture….the Blondie hit from the 80s. Hell for me would be that song on eternal “replay”…with interjected commercials about Oxyclean screamed by a coke snorting guy in a blue shirt.

.. and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Thessalonians 4:15-17

Notice the citation for this biblical passage regarding the rapture…4-15-17. That is when I am guessing the end of the world will happen. You heard it here first folks….my soul will be flung on the roof and no one will be able to retrieve it on tax day, 2017.

That gives me some solace and comfort….first knowing that tonight is not my last night on earth. Secondly …knowing for the tax year of 2016 we can all thumb our nose up at the IRS together. What a glorious, bipartisan way to go out?!! A national, unified finger lifted together…an appropriate hand signal for one last hurrah for Americans of all walks of life.

But just in case….just in case this is the end and this is the last blog ever for me….I have one last confession.

I voted for Ronald Reagan in 1984.