Queers and Restrooms


The brown wing-tip slides under the stall wall and touches the other guy’s right foot. A hand signal is flashed…WAIT….STOP! Ever since Senator Larry Craig was busted in that Minnesota airport John, I know there are thousands of straight people who think this is a common ocurrance….it is not.

I am not a gay male, but I know that the average gay male doesn’t cruise public bathrooms and parks for dates…period. The guys you read about in the paper or see on the news are just like Senator Craig….frustrated gay men living a life of lies. I was very sad for the Senator when I saw that news story. In a perfect world he would be an out gay man, representing the state of Idaho…probably with a male partner.

The only other males in the parks and bathrooms are cops! Cops looking to bust the guys living the life of deceit…looking to charge them with public lewdness. I represent the poor guys like Senator Craig…they are miserable people. I wonder what that feels like to pull in the driveway every night and to stare at the house…a wife and kids inside….a man truly alone in the car. It is 2010 and people are still making the decision to live mainstream, because it sometimes sucks to live an “out” life. Yes, even in 2010…things have to change, but until they do..there will be men like the Senator.

Now to something I know a little more about…queer girls going to public restrooms. I have been embarrassed way too many times, called out, picked on..verbally abused. I decided years ago, unless it was an absolute emergency, I don’t go to public restrooms.

Most of you reading this might not believe it, but when you look like me, you hear at least one derogatory comment a day directed towards you. They are sometimes whispered to another, sometimes spoken directly to me…every once in a while, shouted. A “dykey” looking woman puts up with the same amount of crap that an “effeminate” man endures. We are different than the norm, queer…we know this and don’t have to be reminded..but the general populace feels a need to state the obvious. Imagine forever being in 6th grade where kids said whatever came to their mind. That is what adults do to queers, like we don’t feel the sting of the words, the taint of the prejudice.

The female restroom is the worst. Women will call me “sir,” they have screamed and ran out…they have laughed and pointed. Can I get an amen from my little queer girls reading this? You guys feel me, I know you do. The inner confines of a restroom in a school, college, or mall is a place where anything can be said..common etiquette is not to be found.

I have never read an article on queers and bathrooms, but I know this will strike a nerve, it is an unspoken practice. The next time you are out and see a queer person walking out of one of the “family” designated restrooms..you know the ones that are reserved for single parents and small kids?? Next time you see a queer exiting that room…you will now know why…they just don’t feel like putting up with any grief that day. They want to see if they can go the rest of the day without being called “sir” or a “Nancy boy.”

So there you have today’s blog. Not a rant, nor a diatribe…just the plain facts about queers and restrooms. Today’s queer lesson is that most gay men that go into restrooms are actually entering to do their business…not to get “busy.” Little queer girls that look like and dress like Justin Timberlake are not there for you to ridicule. They are different than the norm, but have every right to be there as the next girl…reward them with your respect…reward them with your silence.

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7 responses to “Queers and Restrooms

  1. I think I would have a lot more sympathy for Larry Craig if he were not a conservative who has spoken out against gay rights, and who pushed for harsher punishments for Barney Frank when Frank was caught with involvement in ….*gasp*….seeking illicit gay sex.

    Larry Craig is the kind of guy who is oppressing himself, as well as others , who don’t WANT to be “in the closet”. He is a hypocrite, and the most dangerous kind, seeking to stop others doing what he feels free to do on the sly.

    As far as the bathroom situation for queer girls and guys….for that I have great pity, though I myself, being a straight woman, have not had to endure such shenanigans. It is disgusting how free some of us straighties feel to dismiss and ridicule those who are different than us. I feel ashamed for what you and other gay people have had to go through, just so the less mature among us can maintain the illusion of “normalcy”. Grrrr………

  2. I think from your photo that you are beautiful. From your writings, I know that you are.

  3. Well said, History Girl and John!

    Julya, sometimes your writing makes me laugh so hard that I cry from it’s hilarity — other times it makes cry in shame for the cruelty that you endure at the hands of homophobs…

    BTW, Larry Craig is not a Minnesotan, he’s from Idaho — in case anyone cares. The man is a hypocrite, as stated by History Girl above.

  4. I never noticed, but I don’t make comments either. I’m in there for one reason…

  5. Thank you John for saying such a sweet thing about my sister. She is beautiful inside and out. Love you Sis.

  6. My long hair, make up and girly voice has saved me from this situation but my partner and several not so feminine friends have been through the ringer. Stares, giggles, etc…why can’t people just mind their own?

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