My Top Tens

And from the home office, the top 10 things you are NEVER supposed to say to an attorney….here we go!
10. Why don’t you have a TV commercial?
09. Did you go to a real law school?
08. Do you take credit cards that are in someone else’s name?
07. Do you take cash with red dye on it?
06. I told the arresting officer you were going to screw him in court!
05. Can I trade for your services with electronics?
04. I hit people when things don’t go my way.
03. Yes, I do have a job…I work in “waste management.”
02. I think all lawyers are crooks.

and the number one thing to NEVER say to an attorney is….

01. “Money is no object.”

Top Ten Things to NEVER tell a Cop

10. I didn’t mean to kill her, I just wanted to put her in the hospital.
09. You sped to catch me, I want to make a citizen’s arrest!!
08. Is is true that all female cops are dykes?
07. Yes, I have dope in the car but it is only pot.
06. My dad is on the city council, I will have your job!
05. I am sorry officer, I didn’t see the stop-light, I spilled my beer.
04. How many drinks have I had tonight? Two beers.
03. I couldn’t do this test sober!
02. My tax dollars pay your salary!!
01. My lawyer’s name is Julya and she is going to screw you in court!!

Top Ten Things to NEVER Tell a Client

10. I can get you off.
09. Justice always prevails in courts of law.
08. It is the end of the month, the bills are due, I would take your case for 20 percent less today.
07. I saw you drive up in a brand new Mercedes, my fee just went up 20 percent.
06. The Judge in that court hates me, we might not get a fair shake.
05. I have never taken a case like this to trial.
04. I finished pretty much right in the middle of my law school class.
03. I think you are a lying sack of shit.
02. I ate popcorn and laughed at your DWI videotape.
01. I think YOU are going to get screwed in court!


One response to “My Top Tens

  1. I can’t wait for your book!

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