I am a criminal. Yes, I am a criminal defense attorney too. But my introductory confession is spot on. I am complicit in a theft. The statute of limitations has not run yet, but still I am compelled to tell you this story.
My partner in crime, let’s call her “Maggie,” she called me up one day crying. It seems she had not slept in days. A puppy was within feet of her bedroom window, sitting lonely in a metal cage with no floor. Just resting on a concrete slab, with no food or water to be seen.
Maggie had watched intently for some sign of love to come out of the house next door, but none had appeared. She lives in a neighborhood where quaint prairie style houses are often quite close to shacks that have seen better days. Maggie won’t mind my description of her neighborhood, for it is the truth. I am a thief, not a liar.
The puppy was crying incessantly, as would I in that predicament. What kind of a person procures a puppy to just abuse?
I advised Maggie to call animal control and report the neglect. She followed my suggestion and also starting tossing chunks of food over her fence to help the puppy make it until the calvary arrived.
Two more days of crying and no sleep followed. Animal control was a no show, Maggie and the puppy were getting weaker by the minute.
I was advised of the location and left my office to go investigate. I pulled my car up street-side and my heart broke. Peering out through the metal cage was, what looked like, a tan lab puppy mixed with an unknown gene cocktail. Was I wrong to assimilate the puppy with someone in a concentration camp? Yes, in hindsight, I let my emotions get the better of me, but that was my culpable mental state.
I called Maggie and told her to go knock on her neighbor’s door. I would give her two crisp one-hundred dollar bills and she could offer a purchase agreement. Maggie advised it had been three days since she had seen her neighbors. She feared they had skipped out on the landlord, but didn’t have reliable proof. I drove away, leaving the pup, and crying like a baby.
And then the premeditation of the crime began. Maggie finally snapped and stated that “if” the puppy were to “break out” of the cage….she would be a good Samaritan and swoop up the “stray” to safety.
The next morning at 4:30am, my doorbell rang. I looked out my front door and there was Maggie. It was raining, cold, and she was holding a wet, stinky….delighted puppy. It was the most incredible coincidence I had ever experienced. The very next night after my conversation with Maggie, the pup did break free and was found roaming the streets!
Oh, good grief…well…okay, …I am not a liar, I am not a liar, I am not a liar.
At 5am I was standing in my shower, giving a tan mutt his first bubble bath. At 8am that same puppy was costing me $375.00 at my vet’s office, getting a slew of tests done. The pup was otherwise healthy, except for a case of worms. The doctor said the worms were a sign of poor diet and neglect.
Jojo the mutt lives on two acres with his new family. He has a big brother named Cowboy and enjoys harassing two horses that are his best friends. His human keepers are five children that smother him with hugs and slobbery kisses. His favorite pastime is sitting on the couch with a six-year old, sharing Cheetos and watching Dora the Explorer.
I guess by now you will agree with me, I am a thief. If investigated and prosecuted, I will gladly spend some time incarcerated, in a metal cage, with a concrete floor….for Jojo.