Fat Girls and Post Christmas Remorse

Why let dopers and boozers bring me down? I have my own addiction. How can I possibly judge the poor slob sitting across the table from me, with his 3rd DWI, if I can’t put the damn Maple Nut Goodies down until I see the bottom of the bag?

That my friends is the result of fat girl’s remorse post-Christmas. That time when all fat girls set their sites on January 1st and the new diet! We like starting on the first of months and other milestone dates. That gives us time to go pork out on Tex-Mex and eat leftover turkey until we almost go into a tryptophan coma.

We humans are hedonists, every one of us and we pick our poison….early on. In my family the drug of choice was food, followed secondly by prescribed medication abuse. I won’t “out” anyone, but slurred speech is to be expected when I see certain names on my caller I.D.

I have all the common fat girl bitches, so I won’t bore you with the laundry list. Except one….the Yo-Yo Syndrome. Every time I lose 40, 50, or even my top of 90 pounds….I start to relax. I walk past a mirror and am not repulsed…”damn, I look good.” Famous last words, then the fat girl starts to think she can eat normal again.

I have a guilty pleasure that I am going to admit right here and now. I watch the TLC network late at night, what my partner has coined, “The Freak Channel.” I fly my freak flag and enjoy watching shows about people that weigh 600 pounds or more. I always feel svelte when viewing and go to bed thinking that I am not so bad after all. I don’t drink 6 liters of Coke a day or eat a dozen eggs and one pound of bacon for breakfast. Who knew I was a light eater?

Bottom line is when I am gaining weight I eat more calories than I burn off. When I am losing weight, I exercise more and consume no more than 1800 calories a day. That seems simple doesn’t it? Someone with an IQ in the 130s and 19 years of education should get this and stay with it!!! Don’t you friggin think so??? The answer is:
Yo-Yo….No.

You non-fatties need to get one thing. Fat girls are not losers. We have fat genes passed to us by our parents, we have a tendency to eat just a few more calories than we need, and we sit on our ass too much instead of going out for a walk.

Fat girls spend a lot of time self-loathing. I am no exception. I am a person that seemingly has everything, but at least once a day my inner voice tells me I am a failure. Even my inner voice has fat bias. You cannot be a fully evolved person if you are obese.

Wow, wonder where I got that notion? Couldn’t be that American Medical Association weight chart that the doctors started showing me at the age of 12??
If you are a 5’11” woman in America you should weigh between 152-173 pounds. Well, no point in being totally honest here, but I last weighed 152 pounds in 8th grade.

That my friends is the recipe for shopping at Lane Bryant and the chunky chick section of Dillards. That my friends is the recipe for shoe collections, the one thing fat girls can shop for just like everyone else.

Knowing all of this about myself, can I correct this cycle? Yo-Yo No. Well, I do have five days until January 1st.

I could add a few more comments on this blog, but I have to go, my friends are waiting on me and it is $3.99 enchilada dinner day at El Fenix.