Monthly Archives: February 2011

This blog was originally published under the title “A Love Letter.”
It has been updated and is currently featured on Blogher.com so I re-post it today for that reason

Some of you have asked if I currently have a life-partner. I do, I actually have a wife….we were married in Dana Point, California on October 3, 2008. We are two of the 18,000 queer people who are legally married in California, having married during a brief time of legality before the passing of Proposition 8. Prop 8 made marriage between same-sex couples illegal again after its passage.

Perry v. Schwarzenegger is making its way up the judicial ladder, currently awaiting a setting in the California Supreme Court. Perry is the landmark California case concerning the fight over Prop 8. The basic argument by the Plaintiff’s is strong legally, based on the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. California has no rational basis or vested interest in denying gays and lesbians marriage licenses. Anyone with the ability to read can come to that conclusion, the hard part is getting people to admit it. Gay bias makes people turn away from cold hard facts…it takes ignorance to discriminate when the laws in place are on point!

Imagine what you would feel like if strangers were deciding if you could marry the person you loved? Americans against gay marriage argue we are a democracy and the voice of the people shall stand…always!
Frankly, I always have thought that is the biggest problem with people’s definition of that style of governing. It took Loving v. Virginia to allow interracial couples to marry…the majority would have never allowed it.

The majority of Americans read on a 7th grade level and have actually never even picked up a copy of the United States Constitution. If you haven’t read it lately, Google it today when you have time. It is actually good reading, a beautiful document.

The 14th Amendment, Section 1 to the Constitution reads as follows:
All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Plain English? As a queer girl I get the same rights as a straight girl and equal protection under the law. I cannot be denied any right or privilege heterosexuals have by any state as long as I am a citizen of the United States…it is illegal to do so. Wow, that sounds surprisingly simple!

Notice it doesn’t mention religion, we have that little rule “separation of church and state” in America. My marriage has nothing to do with your religion or any one else’s religion. It is a civil ceremony and a civil right if I am a citizen of these United States.

Facebook recently decided to add two categories to the information section regarding your relationship status. They have added “in domestic partnership” and “in a civil union” to the descriptor list. To me, that is the equivalent of saying to a black person, “you still have to sit at the back of the bus, but we have added extra cushion and really nice red velvet to the section!” Thanks, but no thanks!! Members of the LGBT community must not cave!! REFUSE ANYTHING BUT TOTAL EQUALITY!!

The Declaration of Independence is worth a re-read…check out this part of the preamble, in particular:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I had the officiate of my wedding read that very passage at the beginning of the ceremony. We were pursuing our happiness as every day, good old, law-abiding, American citizens.

Oh, okay…back to my wife. For the purpose of this blog we will call her “Linda.” Well, because her name is Linda. We had been together for nine years when I proposed, having lived through previous relationships that were not the right fit…this was indeed, the right fit.

I met Linda through mutual friends and knew right away that my life would never be the same. She is as good, honest, and caring of a person as you will ever meet. It’s ten years later and I am still trying to figure out what she sees in me. I will go the rest of my life protecting her interests, her happiness is always at the forefront of my mind.

We booked the trip, making reservations at the St. Regis at Monarch Beach. It is a glorious, 5 star resort…the setting would be a white gazebo, at sunset, overlooking the Pacific. We were surrounded by a great group of family and friends that were witness to our testimony of commitment. Customs and ceremonies do matter…rituals matter, the the word “marriage” matters….legality matters. It changed our relationship for the better and continues to do so, we are legit.

I am not as tough as my appearance would suggest. I blubber like a baby all the time and my wedding was no different. It had not occurred to me when I was a child that I would ever get a day like October 3, 2008. I didn’t have a phrase for it then, like I do now….but I felt I was a second-class citizen.

Wedding showers and walks down the aisle were for all the other girls, not me. Some argue I could have had it all, if only I had married a man.
My pursuit of truth and the drive for my inalienable rights does not include living a lie…that looks like the contradiction it is, even as I type this sentence.

This is a love letter. I am unabashedly in love with Linda, my spouse….who just happens to be a woman….I feel good today and every day because of that love. I want to spend the rest of my life with her…wouldn’t it be nice if we could do that legally in Texas? The law is clear, our hearts are full, we demand equality. Take your civil-union status and domestic partnerships and put them…well, you know. We are a married couple, it is a lawful union, we are not second class citizens!

I cannot change anything about me or her…the genetic groundwork was done for us long ago. If this was a choice, why would we choose to be part of a minority that is disparaged and rebuked daily? To my detractors, I say, “Why does our love lessen yours?”

I don’t know, maybe I am missing the boat. This all seems unmitigated when you see it in black and white…if only a 7th grader could understand it.

You know I never let an opportunity go by the way-side when it can benefit my number one cause, today is no different. As I monitor on my computer the activity and excitement unfolding in Cairo, I have a mixed bag of emotions. Of course, I am like most Americans in hoping that Egypt establishes a democratic government with a constitution that ensures equal rights for all. But I am also irritated when I listen to the pundits, on both sides of the political spectrum, in the U.S. talk about how they yearn for equal rights for all Egyptians. I screamed at the TV this morning…..get angry for me!! Take to the streets for me and others like me!! Today I am walking like an Egyptian.

I am angry. I am tired. I use this blog to rant and rave sometimes, maybe I should use it to do my part to start a revolution here on American soil. I wonder what would happen if thousands upon thousands of gay Americans traveled to New York City for a massive protest? We could shut down the city, we would make the world take notice. A non-violent sit-in reminiscent of the 1960s might serve us nicely. Take a seat with your latte, dressed in Prada young man….and don’t get up until you can marry your partner in any state in the union! Non-violent doesn’t mean not angry. I want you to get pissed!! I want some righteous fury to come out of you!! I want our liberal political leaders to do their damn job and ensure justice for all. I want the gay celebrities to stop worrying about their bank accounts and to join us, regardless of the consequences!!!

Gay Americans lack a leader with some fire in his/her gullet. We need another Harvey Milk. Milk knew how to work/use the system, but he didn’t take crap from anybody. Who among us is going to stand up and be the voice of the movement?? After Clinton failed us….I waited 8 years for Obama and he is a major disappointment. I have blogged before that an ex-Constitutional Law professor should look into the camera and announce to the world that the 14th Amendment stands for everyone and that gay marriage is not an issue to be argued, it is already a right to be had!!

The Egyptian people witnessed what happened in Tunisia and have now changed the future of their country. They didn’t think about it for years, or go to caucus or to the courtroom. The citizens of Egypt said 30 years of oppression is ENOUGH and we are taking it to the streets!! Eighteen days later and a 30 year dictatorship is ending….now that is what I call affirmative action! I want to walk like an Egyptian from this day on out!!
Will you have the courage to join me? If you are not angry, look in the mirror and ask yourself why not???

I am angry that I am eleven years into the 21st Century and I am talking about this subject!! I am not going to be satisfied for gay rights to move along with baby-steps or at a snail’s pace or any other analogy you want to use. Get up off your ass today and refuse to be a second-class citizen!
I have been one for forty-nine years and I am sick of it!

If a video of two cats playing patty-cake can go viral on You.tube then why can’t this message get the same treatment? I think I just answered my question….we are a nation that cares more about who wins on Dancing with the Stars than who is elected as your congress-person. We are a nation where Sarah Palin is seriously considered to be a Presidential prospect in 2012. Get angry with me people!!!

I am angry with my fellow gay Americans too. If you are in the closet, come out….reveal yourself! It is time for all the pretense to end…it is time to be true to yourself and to the revolution! When a woman was asked in the square of Cairo why she was out there in the middle of the night…blood streaming down her forehead after getting hit with a flying rock…why was it she was out there when she had children at home?? The woman answered, “Because I am an Egyptian. I want my children to be proud to be Egyptian. I want to be free!” Do you have that kind of fire within you? Are you disgusted enough to put it all on the line to stand up for a just cause? Are you ready to walk like an Egyptian??

I read an article this week that basically had one premise. You want to shut up all the talk of gay rights today, during every political campaign, every day from here on out?? GIVE US EQUALITY!! Canadians NEVER talk about gay rights! IT IS A NON-ISSUE because every Canadian has the same rights. WANT TO SHUT ME UP? WANT ME TO STOP BLOGGING ABOUT THIS SUBJECT? Make me a first class citizen and the only thing I will have to blog about is the weather! I welcome becoming a boring, main-stream citizen whose biggest issue is what to have for dinner tonight.

I want the movement angry and evolving….I want a revolution. I am calling you out today to join me. Perry v. Arnold Schwarzenegger will be heard by the Supreme Court in the coming year…hopefully. I now except that the Court is a political entity having abandoned their unbiased, judicial role in our three-pronged system of government in 2000.
Having accepted that I am looking for other avenues to fight the oppression and the people in Tahrir Square have given me focus. With that newfound focus and the clarity of knowledge that this country was founded by people seeking their own voice, religious freedom and individual rights for all. With my one voice I call for yours today. It is time to talk the talk and walk the walk…..like an Egyptian.